25 Years of Remembering 9/11

There are life-changing moments in history when people remember exactly where they were. For millions, Sept. 11, 2001, was one of those days. In the span of just over an hour, the unimaginable happened; American Airlines Flight 11 struck the North Tower of the World Trade Center at 8:46 a.m., followed by United Airlines Flight 175 hitting the South Tower, American Airlines Flight 77 crashing into the Pentagon, and United Airlines Flight 93 going down in a field near Shanksville. The devastating attacks claimed thousands of lives and changed the trajectory of so many people’s futures. Among those whose lives were irrevocably changed was Washington Crossing resident Tara Bane, who lost her husband, Michael, while he was working in the North Tower that morning.

Tara and Michael were originally from New York and met as students at Stony Brook University in Fall 1990. Tara studied psychology and art and went on to get a master’s degree in art therapy. Michael earned a degree in business. From the moment they met, they were inseparable. Through college graduation; an engagement in 1995; and their wedding in Lambertville, New Jersey, in July 1997, they built a happy life together. After living in Hoboken, New Jersey, while Michael worked in Manhattan’s insurance industry, the couple moved to Yardley in 1999.

“Michael was a warm soul, so compassionate and easy going,” Tara says. “He was a very calming force for me; we really balanced each other. From the moment we met, we were really connected. We spent so much time together, and looking back, I’m grateful because we had such little time together.”

Twenty-five years after the events of 9/11, Tara has written the memoir “Evolution of a Heart: From the Darkness of 9/11 to Rebuilding a Life and Finding Joy,” which will be released in this month on Amazon and in local bookstores. In the book, she shares her personal story of grief, resilience, and hope.

“One of the driving forces to write my memoir is that you don’t let go of grief, it’s there, you just figure out a way to incorporate it into your life so it doesn’t take over you,” Tara says.

A Love Lost

To help her write the book, Tara went back and read her journals she wrote after Michael’s death. Even though it’s been so many years, Bane remembers many of the details of that day that changed her life.

The early morning of Sept. 11 started off as a typical Tuesday with Michael leaving early to catch the train and then PATH into Manhattan for his job at Marsh & McLennan, located in the World Trade Center. Tara recollects that before walking out the door, he asked her if she had seen his computer charger. Then they exchanged “I love yous.”

An hour later, Tara felt an overwhelming need to call him, even though she didn’t have anything specific to say. “I just remember I was rushing to get to work, but first, I sat down to call him at his office, and it was a fast busy which was odd,” she says. “I tried his cell which we only used for emergencies, and it was also a fast busy.”

Driving to work, she heard on NPR that a plane had struck one of the World Trade Center towers. After arriving at her office, the news broke that a second plane had hit. That’s when panic set in. She made it home in time to watch the first tower collapse on TV but didn’t know if Michael was in that one or not. While on the phone with her cousin, the second tower fell. The only words she said to her cousin were, “Is it gone?”

“It was a week and a half before I actually came to terms that he died,” Tara says. “I went into Manhattan on Sept. 15 to submit DNA and hang up photos of him, and I was still hoping. The week after that, we went back to NYC where Michael’s company had a meeting and gave us an option to go to the site, and we did. It was just a mountain of rubble, and that’s when I realized he wasn’t going to make it home.”

Michael was 33 years old.

A Community Comes Together

At 29, Tara was suddenly a widow. She and Michael were still relatively new to the area when the attacks occurred. Lower Makefield Township held a Day of Healing that September, and memorials followed in Yardley and Michael’s hometown. Although she had unwavering support from her family and Michael’s, she was stunned by the amount of support and comfort she received from community members.

By November, Tara had met other Bucks County families who had lost loved ones in the attacks. “The local families became my family,” she says. “The connection was so needed, and we knew what each other was going through. We didn’t have to explain anything, we could just be.”

Those relationships became the foundation for another healing project. Lower Makefield Township wanted to create a memorial for the 18 Bucks County victims. Tara worked alongside other families to raise funds and design the Garden of Reflection 9/11 Memorial.

“We wanted the memorial to look solemn but uplifting, and we wanted life to be going on around it,” she says. “There was so much destruction on 9/11, and we wanted something more bright, positive, and peaceful. We created a fabulous memorial.”

Creating a New Life

When Tara attempted to go back to work as an art therapist in 2002, she had a difficult time. Trying a new career path, she enrolled in culinary school.

Around that time, she met her future second husband through a mutual friend. They lived in St. Thomas for a few years before moving back to Bucks County, marrying, and welcoming a son in 2009. After the marriage ended in divorce, she decided to start over in a new town. In 2016, Tara moved to Washington Crossing for a fresh start and opened her own art therapy practice called Blue Sky Therapy Center.

“I love it here in Washington Crossing,” she says. “It’s such a quaint, beautiful area. I love having my practice here because it’s in my nature to help people. I talk a lot in the book about how it helped heal me by giving back to others, and to know I can assist in someone’s journey is heartwarming.”

Three years ago, Tara started writing her memoir with the goal of sharing with readers what she went through in the aftermath of losing Michael and how she processed her trauma. For her, she writes that creating art and having a strong yoga practice became essential emotional outlets.

“One of the book’s messages is to keep your heart open, seek out joy, and find what helps you,” she says. “I talk about being creative in any way, whether it’s art, gardening, music, or exercise—whatever it is, put your mind to it. You don’t have to be consumed by grief. You feel like it will never go away or ease, but it does.”

Looking Forward

Since the Garden of Reflection opened, Tara has spoken at nearly every Sept. 11 remembrance ceremony. She has brought her son there many times and wants to educate younger generations about what happened that day. “It’s important for families who have children who were not yet born by Sept. 11, 2001, to talk about it,” she says. “They can bring them to the Garden of Reflection, go to the museum in New York City, or watch documentaries. Whoever was alive had an experience that day, had fears or worries. Even if they didn’t lose anyone, it was heartbreaking, so share your experience with the young ones.”

As the nation approaches the 25th anniversary of the attacks, Tara is amazed by how much time has passed. “It’s been a lifetime since that day,” she says. “I was 29 when Michael died. I’m getting older, and when I look at pictures of Michael, he’s forever young. I will always grieve Michael’s death and the loss of the life that we had, but I’ve been able to move on in the sense that I can open my heart to love and joyful experiences.”

Today, Tara finds happiness in the life she has built in Washington Crossing where she is raising her 17-year-old son, Cole, and sharing her life with her partner, Kevin Sullivan. Through her resilience, she continues to show others that even after unimaginable loss, healing is possible.

Dari Kotzker resides in Bucks County with her husband and four kids. She has worked as a reporter in television news and print media since 2001.

Photograph by Jennifer Janikic Photography